I'm not the friggin' Buddah

So apparently I'm in "vacation mode" or I have a tape worm.  Either way, I cannot stop eating.  It's pretty bad.  Last night we had hot dogs and hamburgers for dinner.  An hour and a half after dinner was done, I felt the need to eat a couple cookies, another cheese burger, AND some cashews.  And I was STILL hungry!  WTF!  Am I the very hungry caterpillar or something???

At any rate, what was really disturbing was last night, I was blowing my nose because I have been "fighting" a cold for what feels like forever, and the cold has apparently won since I can't go very far without needing to either hack up a lung or blow half my brains out into a tissue.  At any rate, I feel like shit; not even NyQuil has helped.  Be that as it may, I'm there trying to blow my nose - did I mention my back has been hurting, on top of everything else, because the mattress that I have been sleeping on at my parents' is akin to sleeping on concrete - standing in such a way as to alleviate my back pain and my mother starts rubbing my belly.  Like what you do when you are trying to piss off a pregnant woman or when you see the Buddah.

Me: What the hell are you doing?!

Mom: Rubbing your belly.

Me: Uh, why?

Mom: I'm your mother; I'm allowed.
(I didn't get the memo on that one)

Me: I'm not the friggin' Buddah, Mom.  Stop doing that.

Mom: Why?

Me: Seriously?! I'm already self-conscious about my body, you rubbing my belly isn't helping.

Mom: Oh.

Really?!!!  I have to spell that out?! I didn't like having my belly rubbed when I was pregnant, what makes her think I wanted it rubbed now, especially when I'm definitely NOT pregnant!  So I've decided this is getting ridiculous.  I have to start exercising again, but I'm going to need to do it myself so I can do it on my schedule, rather than getting a trainer again and having to schedule times to work out.  I have a Wii at home.  I have a neighborhood I can walk.  There's no excuse for me not to do something.  Plus, since my stomach muscles are shot to shit, I'm thinking that if I build those up, my back won't hurt as much.

So, I've decided for my New Year's Resolution, I will do something active every day.  I'm purposely not saying "exercise" because, to me, that implies doing something specific.  I want to start small, with a little more freedom, in order to gradually get myself back into a rhythm of exercise.  This way, if I walk the block one day, but do yoga the next, I won't feel like I'm slacking because one's "harder" than the other.  I won't feel discouraged and want to give up because I'm not doing anything.  Plus, WW has revamped their program online again, and there's a way to tailor your exercise just for you.  I'm looking forward to seeing what that has to say.

So while, in my mind, I feel like my "mom body" looks more like this:




And less like this:

There is no reason why anyone should feel like it's a good idea to rub my belly.

Feast of the Seven Pounds

So, here I am at my parents' house for the holidays in great anticipation of the infamous Italian cuisine that  is the much loved tradition in my family.  What's even better is the fact that my entire family (save 3 people) will be here!  I said in my last blog, I hope to at least maintain, but I'm just hoping not to gain a whole pant size.  There is SO much ridiculously good food when it comes to an Italian Christmas, starting with the snacking that begins a few days before Christmas Eve.

On Christmas Eve, the traditional Feast of the Seven Fishes happens.  Now, while I don't eat fish - don't like the texture - I look forward to this element of Christmas.  I love watching my mom and Nana prepare all of the dishes that I remember from my childhood.

On Christmas Day, the eating begins at breakfast and doesn't stop until you go to bed. In addition to the usual Christmas fare, there are the Italian counterparts - pasta, lasagna, stuffed peppers, sausage, meatballs, antipasta.  God, I LOVE this holiday!

And the cookies!  Oh the cookies!  There are so many cookies!  My aunt makes these cookies that are dipped in chocolate on the ends and coated in sprinkles.  I eat my weight in those every time I'm with my family for Christmas.

Again, I'm hoping to maintain my weight, but if I do gain, I just hope it's minimal.  I'd hate to have to use any of gift cards Santa will hopefully bring me for new clothes for muu muus rather than any of the cute clothes in my dream wardrobe I've pinned on my Pintrest.

I once was lost, but now I'm found...

Yeah, so about not blogging for a bit...see, what had happened was....

The Husband got a fabulous new job that he has deserved forEVER, but the sucky thing is it's in D.C. and so I've been doing the single mom thing for a little over a month now.  Eventually, we'll sell the house and move up there with him, but it won't be for a little while.  In the meantime, I have been trying to balance my job at the Montessori school and all that comes with taking care of a 2 1/2 year old and a house, oh, and myself.  I'm exhausted and give props to women who are single moms all the time.  I've missed my blog, honestly, and despite not posting, I have been keeping up with my weigh-ins.

The one from today:

Weigh in: 179.2 lbs

Gain/Loss: + .4 lbs (don't like to gain, but I'll take less than a pound!)

Total loss: - 11.6 lbs.

At one point (11/20/11) I was at a total loss of - 14.2 lbs and was so excited!  I honestly haven't been tracking my food...I know I know I should...so I know whatever loss I've had has been on accident.  And I know I should get back to tracking with the holidays coming and all the goodies and drinks that go along with it.  In my dream world, I will still lose over the holidays, but if I maintain, I'll be happy.

On a completely unrelated subject, the BFF has been nominated for a top mom blog award.  Go and click "like" to vote for her! Thanks! *Contest over...sad face*

Oops I did it again

So I didn't blog last week because I had hoped that this week would bring good news and a loss, since I gained last week.  I also figured, "Hey, I'm going to be outdoors with the kids and will be basically hiking and eating healthy all week....surely that will help my cause."  Well, I made up for that Friday night at Red Robin and yesterday at the local fair eating pure crap.  Was it worth it?  Not really.  I'm mad at myself because I had my first 10lbs down and then I take 2 steps backwards gaining 2lbs between last week and this week.  Ugh!  I didn't do myself any favors by not journaling what I ate to see exactly how over I went with points either. Time for some damage control.

Here's the current stats:

Today's weigh in: 183.6

Gain last 2 weeks: +2.8

Overall loss: - 7.2

I hit 10lbs bitches!

I guess the title of this post says it all: after what feels like FOREVER, I finally hit that beautiful 10lbs loss mark.  My weight yo-yo'ed for a bit, and quite frankly, I was afraid I wasn't going to lose this week since after Monday I had stopped journaling my food.  Not to mention that surprise trip to the Melting Pot Tuesday. At any rate, I will be back to journaling so I keep up the progress.  After you hit your initial 5% loss, WW makes you set another goal to reach.  This goal can either be the weight you hope to finally be, or another smaller goal, such as another 5%.  I chose to go with 10% because my actual goal weight is so far off, I didn't want to be discouraged.

Here's my current stats:

Weigh in: 180.6 lbs

Loss: - 1.1 lbs

Total loss: - 10.2 lbs

I should try and post an updated pic....kinda like I said I was going to do in my first post.  Overall, I am pretty satisfied with my progress so far.  I would like for it to be more consistent, and a little more each week, but I'm grateful it's a loss rather than a gain. 

I'm late as usual

Ok, so I realized last week that I was a week behind on my weight loss blog, and I figured I'd catch up on 2 in one week...oops.  So then I realized I was three two weeks behind and decided to combine all three weigh ins.  It literally shows: loss-loss-gain.  Roller coaster story of my weight loss life.  I'm so close to my first ten pounds down I can taste it...uh...I mean....yeah....

Here's the stats from the last few weeks:

8/21/11

Weigh in: 183 lbs

Loss: -.02 lbs

Total down: - 7.8 lbs

8/28/11

Weigh in: 181.4 lbs

Loss: -1.6 lbs

Total down: - 9.4 lbs

At this point, I was like "Whoo hoo!!!  next week I can celebrate my 1st ten down and get another cool star on WW.com!"  And then....

9/4/11

Weigh in: 182.8 lbs

Loss: + 1.4lbs lbs  DAMNIT!

Total down: -8.0 lbs

SO close!!!  Ugh!  The good news is I know exactly what the problem was.  See, WW's new points system give you so many points that it's very easy to abuse that and think you have more than you really do.  I like to keep my extra weekly points as "overdraft protection," if you will.  There's 40-some points for that purpose!  I stopped journaling my food intake around, oh say, Tuesday.  It was downhill.   I knew by Friday after I had a donut and a half that I'd blown my diet.  I hammered the last nail in the coffin with my dinner at Outwest.  Nothing more I could do at that point.  Needless to say, I was not shocked that I'd gained.  I was just mad at myself for being so close and then blowing it.  I'm hoping to do much better this week.

It was bound to happen eventually

So, I had my first gain this week, but I kinda knew it was coming.  I hadn't tracked what I ate for 3 days and I ate quite a bit.  The thing about WW new points system is that you have so many points to use that you take it for granted. It also wasn't like I was overeating carrots here.

At any rate, it wasn't a huge gain, so I'm not upset about it.  It was bound to happen, right?  I'm still pleased with my progress so far, and it's not like I didn't know what I did to make myself gain.

Weigh in:  183.2lbs

Difference: + .9

Total loss since start: -7.6

In other news...

Two postings in one day!  I need to stop procrastinating and do what I need to do around the house. I just thought I'd post a general blog since I have had the most tremendous week last week.  It's been no secret that I have been trying to find something that renews my love of teaching because it's just been a total drain on my system.  Well, the one thing that you won't hear me talk about is religion. I don't throw my beliefs in the face of others because I don't feel I need to do that. I will say that I pray every day, sometimes many times a day. I have been praying, and asking others to pray too, for me to get a job that is in the best interest of my family and that also reminds me why I started teaching in the first place.

On a whim, I contacted the director of admissions at the school we are sending CSC to.  At this point, I wasn't even necessarily looking to teach, but perhaps have the opportunity to work where CSC was going to school.  My resume was passed along.  I thought I'd get the standard: "Thanks for your interest.  We have no positions available at this time, but we'll keep your resume on file and contact you should anything open up."  Imagine my shock when I was called the very next day to schedule a time to interview with the head of school regarding a possible job because he was impressed with my career history!  It's always nice to hear all the hard work you've done has not gone unnoticed.  I met with the head of school, asst. head of school, and the curriculum director two days later for a 2 hour interview!  It was mutual love at first sight and we talked about curriculum and teaching AND the hero's journey!  About 10 minutes after I got home from the interview, I get a call from the head of school asking for references!  Good sign.  I give a heads up to the folks who will be getting a call, and the next morning I get a phone call from the school offering me the job as the middle school Language Arts teacher!  Holy shit!  Prayers answered!!!  Score!!!

The rest of Friday was spent running around quitting my other job!!!  EXCITING! As a special treat, we went out to dinner to celebrate.  Overall great day!

There is one thing I would like to address that was brought to my attention in my running around on Friday.  As stated in previous blogs, I prefer to be vague when it comes to certain issues because people like to gossip.  I'm not interested in "starting shit" with my blog.  That's not its purpose.  I started this blog to chronicle my weight loss post-baby.  As a matter of fact, I didn't even start publicizing it until recently because it was mostly going to be for my benefit.  Evidently, the original title of my blog (which has been changed if you haven't noticed) was called into question by some people who felt it was their responsibility to "share" this information with others in a way that could have been damaging to me.  Bottom line, some people were trying to make the former title of my blog into an issue worthy of questioning my character...which it's not.  If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that there is nothing I write about that is bad - I write mostly about wanting to be skinny!  I write with humor and sarcasm laced with the occasional profane word.  Because of this, I put a warning prior to reading the blog.  That way, should people be easily offended by humor and sarcasm and the "F word", THEY DON'T NEED TO CONTINUE READING!  What kills me even more is that these people had the opportunity to easily talk directly to ME with their concerns.  To this I say: find your spine and come to me.

There are three things in my life that if you mess with, I will come after you: my family, my friends, and my career.  I could understand if I was writing about something that was inappropriate, but I'm not.  I liked the title of my blog because it was cute and catchy.  Be that as it may, since I am in education and if you read various articles you can read about how teachers get fired because of things they write.  Granted some of them were stupid and shouldn't have posted what they did, but it's not fair how once someone decides to become a teacher he/she becomes "special" and is no longer allowed to be human.  Having said that, I mentioned earlier in this blog that it feels good when someone recognizes the hard work you've done in your career.  Personally, I have busted my ass for the past 10 years to build my career to where it is.  This is not the first time someone has come along and tried to mess with it.  I don't understand why, but I guess some people need to do something to make themselves feel better.  I know I'm a good person and I know I'm a great teacher.  So to all those who feel the need to try to bring me down, I say this:

Week 4 - Steady as we go

So I've been following WW for 4 weeks now and I am LOVING the new points system!  It is WAY easier to eat what you want and not feel deprived.  So far I have consistently been losing weight and that's all I could ask for at this point.  I still need to get on the exercise bandwagon, but that will come - I'm pretty confident.

Ok, here's my stats for week 4:

Weigh in: 182.3lbs

Loss: -2.7lbs

Total since start: -8.5lbs

Less than 2 lbs before I hit a 10lb loss!  I'll be super excited when my Wii quits telling me I'm obese!  I'd hate to see what it would say if someone really obese stepped on there!  "OMG!  Get the eff off me fatass!"

Week 3

Better late than never right?  I have been busy - hence the weekly weight update happening on Thursday rather than Sunday or Monday.

Weigh in: 185lbs

Loss: -.06

Total: -5.8

I didn't have as big of a loss as last week probably because on Saturday night (night before I weigh myself) I broke the cardinal rule of WW - do NOT pig out, even if you have the extra points to do so, the day before a weigh in.  I hadn't eaten much during the day, so when we had some friends over for an impromtu cook-out, I ate 2 hot dogs, a cheese burger, and some chips.  I know I should have just done one or the other, and certainly not two of anything, but sue me, they were tasty. :)  At any rate, I have made a conscious effort to eat more fruit and veggies this week, so I'm hoping that there will be another decent loss.

The Weaker Sex?

It's been a few days and I'm still coming down off my NKOTBSB high.  That really was a great concert and a much needed girls' night.  Attending that show got me thinking about how different men and women are when it comes to obsessing and sexually fantasizing over celebrities.  It all became clear after re-watching the video for "I  Want it That Way" by The Backstreet Boys.  The women in that video - much like the ones at the show - were absolutely rabid for these guys - no lie, I think I saw one chick foaming at the mouth.  There were girls screaming and crying and, quite literally, throwing themselves at them.  It was the same way at the show - recall if you will from my last post I saw 2 bras thrown on stage. Women go absolutely bananas when they see something, or someone, they want.  All caution is thrown to the wind and guards are down.  The word "vulnerable" doesn't even begin to describe what occurs.

Now with men, it's much simpler.  If there is a celebrity female they are nutting over, all that happens is they maybe pay a little closer attention to the tv when she comes on, or perhaps a magazine gets a little, um, "loved" and left in the bathroom or on the nightstand by the bed.  There's no screaming, certainly no crying, and God forbid, any throwing of themselves.  As a matter of fact, if the woman they desire happens to be a singer, do they attend her concert?  No, unless their wives or girlfriends are dragging them.  And they act pained to be at said concert.

There was always this tradition in my sorority towards the end of the year, we'd get a male stripper.  It was somewhat of a running joke, but it was always fun.  The sisters who got really into it, would get all over this poor guy.  I've been to other places where there is a male stripper and the guy practically gets raped by the women there.  Now, go to a strip club where the dancers are women and the main patrons are men and you will see a whole different scenario.  The men play it cool.  They simply approach the stage when they feel like it, give the girl a dollar after she shakes her ass in their face, and sit back down.  Even when getting a lap dance, the expression men have on their faces easily resembles the same expression they have when watching tv.  Complete poker face.

Going back to my boy band obsession....those guys knew Saturday night that if they wanted to get laid, all they had to do was point to the girl of their choice and go from there.  They also knew they were in complete control of the situation because they knew they were hot because of all the women giving the same screaming/crying/falling down reactions.  Whereas, were it the other way around, I'm not so sure the female celebrity would be so cocky.  Who knows, maybe I'm wrong, but what I know for sure is this: do NOT get in the way of a women who is throwing herself at her celebrity boy toy du jour or you are liable to get seriously injured.

NKOTBSB concert recap

So this post has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss, but rather chronicles my attendance at the NKOTBSB concert.  I haven't been to a concert in a couple years and the last one was Bon Jovi - awesome concert, btw - so needless to say I was excited.  Unfortunately, I never saw New Kids in concert in the late '80s/early '90s because, well, I'm not sure, but I'll blame my mother for not taking me.  I'm sure it had to do with the fact that, unlike many parents today, my mother was not about to not only spend money, but also time on something she did not want to do.  As a result, this was my first time seeing NKOTB live.  This minor hiccup does not mean that I wasn't a fan - au contraire.  I had t-shirts, the cassette tapes, bootlegged videos taped on my VCR while watching MTV (you know, back when they played music videos), a giant button, and a HUGE crush on Jordan Knight.  As a matter of fact, I recall a back and forth, if you will, with a girlfriend as to who was going to marry Jordan.  I guess it goes without saying that fantasy never happened. *sigh*

One of the perks of being married to a man who works in radio is the access to free concert tickets. And God love my husband for putting his name down on the list months ago for NKOTBSB tickets.  It was a little touch and go as to if it was actually going to happen since the whole reason stations get tickets is to give them away to listeners, not let employees' wives benefit, but we got the tickets and all was right in the universe.  Now The Husband did warn me that since they were free give-away tickets, not to expect them to be good seats...well the Boy Band Gods were smiling down on us because we got lower level!

So the next issue to worry about when going to a concert is "What the f* do I wear?!"  See, I don't really have any of my "ho clothes" from my clubbin' days, and even if I did, I'm a mom now.  For the love of all things holy, no one - and I mean NO ONE - wants to see a mom body stuffed like a sausage into something that has its main fibers as spandex and sequins.  So my choices were limited.  My first option was my go-to comfortable v-neck t-shirt, jeans, and flip flops.  Then the following conversation happened:

The Husband: You look nice, honey.

Me: I look like a mom going to a concert.

TH: That's what you are.

Me: Fuck

Time to change....I go into the recesses of my closet to find something, anything, that resembles appropriate "going to the bars to get my swerve on" options.  I find something, squish my boobs into it, and suddenly feel slightly better. As I'm walking out the door, I ask The Husband if I still look like a "mom going to a concert".  He tells me I look like a hot, 30-something, single chick looking to get laid.  Perfect.  I scoot out the door before I can finish hearing TH say something to the effect of: "But, I'll be here if you want to fulfill that last part when you get home...!"

My daughter wanted to come.

Time to roll out.  I go pick up the BFF - who also had the same "what the eff do I wear to a boy band concert so I don't look like an asshole?!" problem I had. Thank God for friends.  On the way, we have the obligatory "what sorts of [insert choice here] do you think we'll see at the concert" banter in the car.  After paying to park and scoring a pretty decent spot, we notice so many oddities, there are not enough words in the English language to describe.  We immediately realize we have been tagged by the local radio stations as old since the "easy listening" station vehicle is parked front and center as we arrive.  Throwing a bone at the concert goers more interested in seeing Backstreet is the top 40 station vehicle.  I will pretend they are targeting me.

Then comes the visual "eye candy" in droves.  There are so many women wearing NKOTBSB shirts that someone needs to resend the "don't be that guy at the concert" memo.  We saw outfits spanning the homemade puffy paint shirt variety to the "we're headin to da club right after the show" outfit to the "I'm a mom and will wear something comfortable and practical damnit" to the outfits that made you wonder if these girls had friends to let them know they should never leave the house looking like they do. Oh, and let's not forget the bitches who busted out the over-sized New Kids pins they have been saving for 20+ years for just such an occasion.

We got a good glimpse of what we could expect to see should we decide we needed to use the bathroom.  Women lined up just to get in the coliseum.  WHAT!  Really?  Is this necessary?  At any rate, BFF and I decide to begin our critiques of the crowd acknowledging all the preggos, newly 20-somethings, unfortunate 40-somethings, and the like as we wait.  It's at this point BFF says we should have made "MILF" shirts. Damnit!  That would have been awesome!

First things first, find the seats.  Not only are we on the aisle, but we have a great view of the stage.  Thanks TH!

Me and the BFF in our awesome seats

Drinks before Boy Bands!

The second most important thing after you find your seats (and after you've gone to the bathroom - hey, we're wearing spanx damnit and they squeeze the bladder!) is to find the bar.  The nice bartender cards me.  I want to tongue kiss him.  We get our wine - we ARE moms after all - and set up camp at one of the bar tables.  This is when the real fun begins: we see acid washed jeans, we see neon, we see Members Only jackets, we see side ponytails.  BFF says we should have made scavenger hunt lists of what one would see at an NKOTBSB concert. Damnit!  That would have been awesome!

We sit through the opening acts - Midnight Red??  Who the hell are you? Other than jail bait - and Matthew Morrison aka Mr. Schuester from Glee.  He was good....only when he sang covers.  When he busted out his original songs, not that they weren't good, but when you're known for what you sing on a show, that's what should be coming out of your mouth.

Finally, the lights go out and the moment every pre-menopausal woman paid good money for - the boys were coming on

At this moment, there wasn't a dry pair of panties in the house.

I hate to admit that I probably should have refreshed the old memory as to the lyrics of the songs, but I sang what I remembered.  And pretty much everyone flipped out when NKOTB did "Right Stuff" and actually did the same dance moves from the video.  Granted, if you look at the old videos compared to what they did at the show, there is definitely not as much swing.  But don't worry, ladies.  Just when you were starting to question "Oh no!  Have they lost it???"  Time to lose some clothing.

 

Yum

The rest of the show was awesome and both boy bands did a great job making every woman in there feel like she was the age she was when she first heard the songs.  So much so that on 2 separate occasions, bras were thrown on stage.  Granted they were ultra comfy looking and practical white and beige bras, but come on, those ladies were trying.  Just imagine how their ta-tas must have felt the rest of the concert unprotected from the "mom dancing" that was happening.  The sacrifices some make for the hopes of a post-concert sexcapade that ends in an illegitimate child requiring the famous, boy band, baby daddy to pay up.

So, as with everything, all good things must come to an end and the boys did an encore consisting of "Hangin' Tough" and "Backstreets Back".  As I mentioned earlier, it had been a while since I had gone to a concert and I forgot 2 very important things:
1) You are absolutely deaf.
2) Trying to beat the crowds is like trying to fight fat people at Golden Corral.

Once again, the gods are smiling down to provide BFF and me with amazing visuals to fuel the flames of our cattiness.  The best was an extremely drunk bride-to-be being led out, barefoot, by her girlfriends.  The aim of this game is to make sure you are not near said drunk bride when she decides the room is spinning just a bit too much and hurls her cosmos on the floor.

Heading home, BFF and I do the usual recap of the show: "Was it just me or did Jonathan Knight look like he was woken up just in time to start the show?"  "That 9 yr-old BSB pulled up on stage to serenade SO didn't appreciate that.  Bitch wasn't even born when they were first popular!" "Did you see the gays across the aisle wearing the Katy Perry shirts?"  etc.  I swear, we need a reality show.  Overall, the concert and evening was a blast and I really hope NKOTBSB continue to ride out their new 15 minutes of fame because BFF and I will so be there at the next concert dressed in our "MILF" shirts, scavenger hunts in hand, and fully charged camera batteries.  Because damn, it was awesome!

WW Week 2 - First 5

Boo Ya Bitches!  First 5 lbs down reached!  Clearly had a much better week than last week.  Not that last week was bad, but it's nice to see a large amount gone.  Now, by no means am I a WW spokesperson, but the new points system is so much easier to follow.  By that I mean, I really don't feel deprived or hungry.  There are so many points you can spread over the week, that it's impossible to overeat....well, maybe not impossible, but still.

Weigh in: 185.6lbs

Loss: -3.5lbs

Total since start: -5.2lbs

Again, I'm pretty pleased so far.  The one thing I need to start to incorporate is exercise.  I may wait another week since "they" say it takes 3 weeks (or something like that) to form a habit, so I'll get my eating into a habit and then I'll figure out how to incorporate exercise.  I really want to do the classes at the local gym since they have ass-kicking Zumba!

First week back

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions and such is my life.  I intend to do things, but something trivial always manages to come and screw with my intentions.  When I decided to blog daily about my weight loss, I meant it.  I wanted to post every day as a way of being accountable for my actions.  In reality, if I were to actually blog every day, I think I'd gouge my eyes out with CSC's toddler spoon, so I can only imagine what those of you who read this would do.  So really, I'm saving lives here.

At any rate, after reconsidering what's worth blogging I have decided that should something noteworthy occur, I shall blog.  If it doesn't, then I'll write once a week with an update on my weight loss.  Knowing that some people are reading this to see if I'm really keeping up with the plan will hopefully continue to keep me motivated to continue.

Following the new WW points plan isn't as hard as I thought it would be AND I can eat almost all the fruit I want - zero points now bitches!!!  I have actually found myself at the end of the day needing to eat because I didn't eat all my points.  Oh darn....I need to eat more.  Shucks.......

Here are the results of week 1:

Weigh in: 189.2

Change: - 1.6lbs

Not bad for the first week.  I have to be honest, I was kind of hoping for something a bit more dramatic since the other times I've done WW, the first week is always awesome because your body is shocked.  But I'm choosing to look on the bright side - at least I didn't gain.

Another day, another challenge

So goes day 2 of my plan to blog my way to being a skinny bitch.  Today was really a "catch up" day after having traveled back from NJ yesterday.  Laundry to be done, phone calls to make, emails to catch up on, etc.  The usual.  I took my daughter to her weekly Little Gym class during which she decided to show her ass during the dance class portion. I love my daughter, I really do, but I had to resist the urge to gag her with her tutu.  In the end, I had to send The Husband (aka The Softie) out of the room so that she would keep trying to run to him for protection.  It worked and then she was fairly normal during the gymnastics part.  I chatted up with another mom with whom I'd been "friend flirting" for some time.  She has an adorable little girl and hopefully a play date will happen in the relatively near future.

As for my plan to do the Wii for 20 minutes today - FAIL.  We met with CPI security because we wanted to switch alarm companies.  We're not exactly happy with our current provider, so they are getting kicked off the island.  That meeting took close to 2 hours, then there was dinner and family time.  I know "excuses excuses"....sue me.  It was also Africa hot out today I might add.  Not like that did anything to our AC, but I'm reaching here people!

I need to go grocery shopping because we don't have much food left in the house from when I seriously stocked up pre-vacay.  I have determined that my fruit and veggie intake sucks and I need to focus on that.  Since most of them are 0 points now thanks to the new WW points system, I can snack away guilt free - whoo hoo.  Does it count if I dip the fruit in gobs of chocolate?

The first day is always the easiest

So today is technically day 2 of being back on the wagon with my weight loss.  I have diligently restarted from scratch my WW stats and have been "journaling" everything that I eat. What I notice about following WW is that I'm always pretty gung-ho for the first couple of weeks and then someone presents to me cake and it's down hill from there.  I swear, WW is like AA for fat people:

"Hi.  My name is Aimee, and I love to overeat."

"Hi Aimee"

"I have not touched a piece of cake in three days."

*Insert obligatory, congratulatory golf clap here*

A few things I have noticed about my eating habits now that they are back under the microscope:

1) I graze.  I pick. I nibble.  I do anything but make myself a healthy meal to eat.  As a matter of fact, in the time it takes for me to shove whatever in my face, I could have made something a lot healthier.

2) Nighttime is the most difficult time to not do said grazing of food.  I'm not sure what it is about nighttime that makes me want to just raid the cabinets, but that is my weakest time of day.

So apparently, tomorrow is supposed to be Africa hot outside, so there goes my desire to walk the neighborhood.  Good news is I have Wii Fit and will be setting a goal of doing that for 20 minutes tomorrow. As for my foray into Zumba, I plan to find a class around here and a sucker good friend who will go with me.

Here I go again

So it's time to face facts: I am overweight.  By a lot.  I'm not going to call myself the "f word" and say I'm fat, because I'm not what I would considered fat, or obese for that matter.  I am, however, very overweight.  My clothes have been fitting tighter than I would prefer and so it's time that I actually do something about it rather than simply bitch and wish there was a miracle cure such as a pill or a winning lottery ticket so I could afford the necessary plastic surgery.  Unfortunately, neither is available at this time.

I have decided that the only way I will actually stick to following my WW diet and actually exercising rather than talking about it is by blogging and posting - making it public so that I don't humiliate myself with exclamations of "I'm going to get skinny!" and in reality sitting on the couch with ice cream to watch marathon amounts of TV.  I named this blog "Confessions of a Wannabe MILF"* because I was hoping to track my progress to MILF-hood, publish it and become wealthy...or at least make some decent cash.  We shall see.....

So here are my stats:

Starting weight - 190.8 (YIKES!  How the hell did I let this happen???  Oh wait, it's my lack of restraint with food)
Current size - 14 or Large/XL
Hips - 47in
Waist - 35.5in

Current goal according to WW: 181lbs
Ultimate goal: 125 lbs/size 6

And let's not forget the visual evidence:

All of this revealing is very embarrassing, and I can't believe I let this happen, but I need to fix it.  I know I can because I have seen evidence of others who are very overweight (Biggest Loser anyone?) and have lost the equivalent of people in pounds.  Now, I'm not looking to do that....maybe the size of small child though.  My plan is to blog daily about what I have done/eaten during the day, track  my weight and measurements weekly, and post a photo monthly.  Let's see how I do....

*As you can see the original name of this blog has changed.*

Jan 1978 - June 2011. Cause of Death: Zumba

I have heard of the Zumba phenomenon from a number of my girlfriends, all of whom said it was awesome.  Well, when I got home to my parents' house in NJ and saw my mom's gym schedule with several Zumba classes every day, I decided I was going.  Especially when she told me I looked like I was pregnant in my picture of me with Teresa from RHONJ.

Zumba is the latest trend in exercising.  Some genius somewhere realized that she was keeping in shape by going to da' club and figured she could capitalize and make money if she shared the concept of exercise via dancing with other fatties people who want to stay healthy.  Basically, when you take the class, you burn calories by dancing to Latin or hip hop music.  Sounds good enough, right?  Back in the day, I could booty shake with the best of them.  I mean, come on, I was a dancer for 10 years.  I had rhythm.  I had moves.  I could do this, right???  WRONG SISTA!

So off to Zumba I go with my mom - who has also never tried it - and I was excited to see what the class held.  The room was packed with every type of woman you could imagine.  Older women, young women, pregnant women, heavy women.  Even a skinny asian lady who apparently didn't want to wait for the instructor and "warmed up" by doing some of her own moves.  This chick was in it to win it.  Homegirl even had on legit dancer shoes.  What???  So, I see the instructor over in the corner getting the music set up to the song she wanted to start with.  She gets up to the front of the class and just starts doing her thing.  And everyone else knew to start with her!  HUH???  I'm used to the instructors putting on the little headset mic and saying something like: "Hey everyone!  I'm Tammy and welcome to (insert appropriate workout class).  Let's start off with our warm up. Legs apart AAAAAND big breath in..."

Yeah, JLo (that's what I'm going to call her because I'm sure she was a backup dancer for her at one point) starts busting a move ASAP.  Well, I'm not about to look lost, so I start getting my grove on.  We're shakin'. We're steppin'. We're mamba-in'.  I'm sweating so much I look like I just jumped in the damn pool.  My toes on my right foot are numb - probably out of fear - and I can feel my fat on my body shaking just a half a beat off.  I do the best I can since I'm new. *Side note: remember, my 59 year-old mother is in the class too, choosing to go in the back of the room, and I decide not to look at her because I'm sure I will start laughing at her WTF expression that I am positive is on her face.*  JLo stops.  Asian Zumba Lady goes to get her water.  Some ladies reach for a towel and their water.  I want to collapse.  I think: "That wasn't so bad.  Time for the cool down." BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  That was only 10 minutes of the class.  Let me repeat for those who missed that: THAT WAS ONLY 10 MINUTES OF CLASS.  Holy shit, I think I'm going to die.  Tell my daughter I love her. My mother comes up to me and says: "You know, we can leave.  Go get Starbucks." I look at the pregnant girl and the lady who is probably older than my mom and I reply: "Not if preggo and grandma stay."  So commence round two.  Ding Ding Ding.

JLo starts in again, and this time there's more shaking involved. And turning. And stepping with crazy flailing arms.  I find solace in the two other fellow curvy ladies in my area also moving about as well as I am.  They too have the "what the hell did I get myself into" looks on their faces.  What doesn't help is that the music JLo has chosen is Latin music.  Not that I have an issue with it.  It's just that I have never felt as coordinated dancing to it as Latin women are.  It's in their DNA. They come out of the womb knowing how to salsa. Again, JLo stops and I fall for it again.  Whew!  Thank God we're done.  ONLY FIVE FRIGGIN' MINUTES HAVE PASSED.  I now know what hell is like.  My lower back is one more shimmy from going into complete spasm.  I have heard how medical experts say the body breaks down near death.  I have a slight clue what they are talking about.  My mom shoots me a "It's not too late to leave" look.  Again, grandma and mom-to-be are still in the corner gearing up for more.  I grab my water, chug some down, shake my head, and get ready to go.  Not until the pregnant lady and grandma leave.  Round 3....bring it.

So rather than go through my slow and painful demise, I will give you the condensed version.  Several more sessions of "dancing" occurred during which I realized I should have not only packed a sports bra for my trip, but also worn it.  My poor twins were in places they had never been before.  I noticed several other women checked out of the class early opting to save themselves in order to see another yoga class.  JLo just kept right on bouncing.  She had to have sucked down about 10 Red Bulls prior to the class because if she's like this normally, I may have to resort to drastic measures.  What sustains my endurance is thinking to myself: "your mom said you looked pregnant" and not wanting to be perceived as such.  What makes me laugh - and I say that loosely because laughing would have required breathing which was something I was struggling with by 20 minutes in - was when JLo asked why she couldn't hear anyone having fun.  It's because we were all too busy trying to keep up and not die.

Now let me take a minute to reflect on the dancing aspect of this particular form of exercise.  I was pretty confident in my ability to dance and keep rhythm my whole life.  Like I said, I was a dancer.  Following beat was something that came naturally to me.  I remember my girlfriend telling me that her ability to dance left after she had a baby.  I told her she was silly and that she could still dance.  Her reply was that she looked like an old, white lady rather than someone who could keep up with the crowd she went to high school with.  I remember thinking, "Pshhh, that won't be me.  I will maintain my mad dance skills after I have a baby."  I hate it when I'm wrong.  It's almost like, without any sort of control over the change, your body begins to respond to music in a way never before experienced.  You think you can still move and grove like the good old days at da' club, but in reality, you look like a woman from a bad '80s movie.  I think when you're in the hospital either pushing your kid out or having a c-section, what the doctors don't tell you is that your ability to dance is removed along with the placenta.  You don't have a choice.  Unless you're a celebrity or very rich, you are unable to afford a cure.  You are forever diseased with looking like a rah-tard on the dance floor.

Well, finally, Zumba is completely over.  If there was a heart monitor attached to me, it would be flatlined.  Grandma and preggo are over thanking the instructor. I want to punch her in the face, but can't move my legs to get over there.  Despite all of this, I must be a masochist because rather than thinking "OMG I am so never doing this shit again," instead I think "I am so doing this again".  Why you ask?  Because I refuse to let something that I used to be good at defeat me.  I refuse to go gently into that good Zumba class and allow some booty shakin' to kill me.  I don't want to be a fat mom and get to the age of 50 or so and look back thinking I wasted my 30s.  So come Monday, I will be in Zumba again with my game face on.  Bring it JLo. Bring it.

So flying can suck

So we were supposed to fly out today this morning to NJ to see my family.  I have been looking forward to going home for some time and I felt I was totally prepared for this flight.  CARES system for keeping CSC in her seat - check; Lollypops for take off - check; Snack and juice cup - check; Crayola color wonder markers - check; Cell phone, iPad, and appropriate chargers - check; More clothes than I'll wear all summer for both myself and CSC - double check; Sanity - still looking.  

Because I always panic and am convinced I will forget something, I was up until about 2am.  I felt I was as prepared for this flight as I could possibly be.  I had prepped CSC about getting excited for flying. I was good to go....literally.  So we just park the car and are getting out when I get a call from my dad.  

"Hey Aim, the flight is cancelled"

"Huh?"

"The flight is cancelled and you need to go inside and ask them to put you on the 1:30 flight or the 6:20."

Great.

We go inside, The Husband takes CSC to walk around while I wait in line to talk to an airline rep.  Bad news is she and I are not on the 1:30 flight.  Good news - we are already booked on the 6:20 flight.  Ok, we can go home and relax a little bit until we have to go back.

What I'd like to know is when did flying become such a pain in the ass?  I have flown a great deal in my life and it never used to be this dreadful.  It's gotten to the point where you try to figure out how to get to your final destination without flying....like if I drive three hours to the train station there, I can take a train and then hitchhike to get where I'm going. I'm going to blame it on 9/11.

Gettin ready to head back to dirty Jerz

I am so excited for my favorite time of the year - aside from Christmas - and that would be my annual trip with my daughter back home to "my people" in Jersey.  I'm excited it's summer and the weather is nice - not so excited to be back in a bathing suit - and I'm always glad to catch up with my friends who I miss all the time.  I get to see family I don't see enough of....all around good time.

Each year, we go to my parent's "Delaware mansion", as I like to call it, and spend 4th of July going to Rehobeth Beach and the boardwalk and watching the fireworks while eating Dairy Queen.  That place is one of the most peaceful places.  It's so nice just to be able to sit and relax on the back deck with a book and a nice glass of wine.  Like I said, I look forward to this trip every year.

What I don't look forward to, however, is the preparation that goes into traveling.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE to travel.  I regret giving up a job offer out of college that would have required me to travel as a chapter consultant for my sorority.  What I don't love about traveling is packing.  And what I hate worse than packing is UNpacking.  I am convinced every time that I have forgotten something, and the funny thing is, I usually do.  What is annoying is that it's usually something of no importance (i.e. a toothbrush) and it can be easily replaced, thus not destroying my enjoyment of the trip.  It's just an irritation.  Well, my husband, daughter, and I just returned from our second home of Wilmington, NC, for our 5th anniversary/Father's Day weekend trip.  I love it there and we wonder all the time why we moved away....it really does show you don't know what you have until it's gone.  We had a great time going to the beach every day and swimming in the pool.  But now that we are home, I have a mound - quite literally - of clothes to wash before I pack them back up again for our flight on Wednesday.  Talk about being worried I'm going to forget something!  Fortunately, I'm not planning on packing much since I have no clothes really - at least none that make me happy - and I plan on doing a great deal of shopping when I'm in NJ and DE.  I always like to take advantage of the tax-free shopping when I can....who wouldn't.

I may have mentioned in my last post that I stepped back on the scale recently and hated what I saw.  I knew it was going to be ugly because my clothes had been fitting a little tightly.  I really hope that I can keep trying to work on getting it off while I'm home.  My mom is a very healthy eater and hardly ever has "junk" in her house, so I know what I eat will be good.  It's just that I saw some pics that were taken of me in my new bathing suit I bought for our trip to Wilmington, and while I thought I didn't look bad, the pics made me look like I was pregnant!  WTF!  I HATE looking at pics because I feel so discouraged, ya know.  Like, I thought I looked ok, but now I think I want to attempt home lipo just to that it doesn't look like I have more jowls than a friggin' bulldog!

Summertime...and the livin' is easy

So today was my last day of school for the year - man it flew, THANK GOD!  I had one of the roughest years teaching since I started in 2001.  Now that it's over, I get to relax and enjoy some much needed, extended down time with myself and my family.  I'm mostly looking forward to having more "Mommy and CSC" time.

The first vacay of the year is to good old Wilmington, NC.  TJ and I constantly ask ourselves: "Why did we move away from there, again??"  There's a certain vibe there that I can't find anywhere else - even at other beach towns.  We are going there because we will be celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary/Father's Day.  We had originally wanted to go away to a resort, but quite frankly, it's too much for us to be spending at this time.  We'll have fun, I have no doubt.

I originally started this blog to chronicle my journey to MILF-dom.  That hasn't been a topic I've really discussed in a while!  So I decide to check out my weight - something I don't normally do - because my clothes have been fitting a little tight lately.  I'm sure due in large part to the amount of shit food I have been ingesting in the past few weeks.  I just about passed out when I got on the Wii Fit and looked at my weight.  I had gained back about 10lbs!  WTF!  Not that I didn't expect a weight gain, but talk about a slap in the face from reality!  And the ironic part is that I pay for an online subscription to WW, and I haven't touched it pretty much since they changed to the new points system.  Basically it boils down to me being plain, old lazy.  I wish it was as easy for me as it appears to be to some, but it's not.  I am going to have to work really hard if I want to get down to a weight that I am happy with, but even more importantly, I am going to have to work on getting healthier. 

As stated above, summertime and the livin' is easy. Despite the Africa heat, summer is one of my favorite times because of all the traveling I do to see family and friends.  I can't wait for my annual trip to Jersey this year.  CSC and I will be up there for about 10 days.  I know I'm going to want to do at least another weekend or 2 at the beach after that.  Other than the traveling, I get to be a SAHM and spend some much needed quality time with my beautiful daughter.  Another thing I'm looking forward to this summer - hopefully in the next couple of weeks - is hearing about a job I interviewed for.  It's at one of the community colleges and I would be teaching Developmental English.  I have taught that before and the possibility of teaching college again is so exciting.  I really hope I get this job because I desperately need a change of scenery with the whole teaching career.  But if it doesn't work, there is always prostitution. ;)

I need to get a little something off my chest...

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