C-sections suck ass

I'm really frustrated about how my belly has become so flabby. I also get frustrated when Tara, my trainer, has me do ab work that I "should really feel a burn" and I get nothing. I blame my c-section. I was basically gutted like a fish and in the process, had all my stomach muscles and nerves cut. (It still freaks me out that I have little to no feeling in some area of my lower abdomen)

Now I'm not saying I want to pose for Playboy or anything, but I also don't feel like my body should be shot to shit at such a young age either. I'm only 32 for pete's sake!

At this point, other than being a slave for 3 more weeks to National Boards, my schedule is pretty free. Tara gave me passes to use for free at the gym for classes, so I really need to start with adding one class a week to my life. There are some really fun ones - Zumba, Hip Hop, etc. - that look like they'd be awesome cardio without feeling like cardio. I know all I need to do is make it a habit....it's getting to that point that is the tough part.

Do I really look THAT fat?!?

Ok, so I'm a teacher and I'm working on National Boards, which is an ass kicking in and of itself. Two of the portfolio components require me to video me teaching and edit it down to 15 minute segments. So, I did that today, and I think I want to cut myself now.

WTF! How the hell did I not know I looked that fat?!!! Do I not have caring friends who would pull me aside and say, "Aimee, I love you and all, but DAMN girl! You could serve a small family dinner on your ass! Oh, and PS, you still look pregnant."

I should have known my day would end up like this when I was watching Regis and Kelly this morning talking to Heidi Klum, who reportedly DID NOT EXERCISE OR DO ANYTHING SPECIAL TO LOSE HER BABY WEIGHT. You know what I have to say to this Light and Fit slurping supermodel? Fuck you bitch. And your sexy British singer husband and your beautiful babies. Fuck you and your Victoria Secret body you rocked on the runway TWO MONTHS after having a baby.

Right now, I am just going through a very stressful time that will pass. This National Boards portfolio is really throwing me and I'm worried about making sure I get it right. In the process, the last thing I want to do is exercise in any capacity. I really need to make myself a promise to start taking care of myself.

Blogging virgin....handle with care

Ok, so I've never blogged before, but I've always felt like I've had a lot of shit to say. Whether or not anyone wanted to hear it is irrelevant. I figure I'll give it a shot....

So after I got the green light from my doctor to start exercising after my c-section, I went out and found myself a personal trainer for several reasons:

a)It was my own personal "push present" for having a baby....little did I know pushing was not in the cards for me.

b)I needed to be accountable for actually going to the gym - I'm a chronic gym member...I get a membership and never use it.

c) Why torture myself when I can pay someone to do it for me?

So I found Tara, who immediately started kicking my ass and getting me to do things I never thought I could (or should) do. Having a personal trainer, albiet once a week, makes me feel like a pseudo-celebrity - without all the money and super fabulous body of course. I also went back to Weight Watchers and did pretty well - losing 15lbs fairly quickly and easily. Go me!

And then the shit hit the fan....I fell off the wagon, so to speak, and started eating whatever and whenever I wanted. I was still training with Tara, but since I wasn't following the WW program, I started gaining a little bit of the weight back. I didn't really think it was that big of a deal since my clothes were still fitting. I told myself that the scale wasn't registering me losing weight because I was building muscle. (Lie #1) My husband bought me the Jenny McCarthy Wii exercise game for Christmas, and I was going to do it every day. (Lie #2) And let's be honest, I didn't look that fat in my clothes. (Lie #3)

At one point I was a size 6, weighing 125lbs. I know I can get back there. Just because I happened to be in my mid-20s at the time of this fab body doesn't mean that I can't get back to that....does it? I see these other people who are my age and who have had babies, some of whom via c-section like myself, and they look great. I KNOW I can do it. I'm too young to call it quits on my body and settle for a dumpy shape and a lifetime of ugly one-piece bathing suits.

I know the older I get the harder it's going to be for me to lose weight - oh joy. I keep hearing that "the 30s are the new 20s" and even though I'm now a mom to a beautiful little girl, I don't want to let myself go. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to my daughter (I know I should probably mention it being not fair to my husband either, but I'm going to be a little selfish right now) to let my body get to Stay Puff Marshmallow Man proportions. I want to be a MILF damnit and a MILF I will be.

When I started seeing my trainer, Tara, I started a journal I entitled "Project:MILF", which is what I wanted to call this blog, but apparently there are other bitches out there who snagged the title for their blogs first - whores! J/K! I still will consider this blog a step in Project:MILF and I will think of those other moms as sisters-in-crime.