Ok, I have a couple of non - weight loss related topics I'd like to discuss.
1. My child takes forEVER on the toilet.
So, we've got the whole potty training thing down - she wears big girl panties and let's me know when she's got to use the potty. Rocking the diaper at night, but hopefully not for much longer, otherwise she's going to be very embarrassed when she goes off to college if she needs to put Depends on her packing list. Having said that, every morning when I have todrag her sleepy ass wake her from her slumber, I always ask if she has to use the bathroom. Sometimes it's no, sometimes it's yes. This morning it was a yes day, and so on the potty she went. Allow me to interject an important piece of information: my daughter is almost identical to me in almost every way, right down to the fact that she HATES to get out of bed in the morning. *Other moms out there whose children wake them up every day at 6 AM, I apologize, and you can feel free to hate me and call me a lucky bitch.* She has actually pulled the pillow over her head, told me to go away, rolled over and ignored me, said she's not done sleeping...you get the point. As you can imagine, this reluctance to get out of bed in a timely fashion creates a great deal of stress in the morning as not only do I have to hurry my own happy ass up, but now I have to do it with her too. So, this morning she needs to sit on the potty. No problem, I tell her I'll be back in a couple minutes and I go and start to get myself dressed and lay out her clothes. I check back in.
Me: Are you done yet?
CSC: No, I have to poop.
Fuck.
Now this is where she takes after her father. CSC could probably sit all day on the toilet if I let her. No question if I gave her a well charged iPad and full access to "Bo on the Go" and "Wonder Pets". It's to the point where she'll get a red ring around her ass from sitting on the potty for so long. And believe me, I am encouraging her to get up every time, but it's hard because she's still a rookie at the whole using of the potty and I don't want to cause a set back. It's happened before, and it's not pretty. I went and checked on her every couple of minutes this morning to see if poop happened. Sadly, it had not. She kept insisting she had to go, and based on the farting and the overall smell in the bathroom, I have no doubt that she was telling the truth. Since I'm not one to let an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone pass, I brushed her teeth and washed her face and hands while she was sitting on the toilet. Why not, right? It's after this that I decide to check what time it is, and I see that it's 7:33.
SHIT!
It takes me 25 solid minutes to get us to school in the morning, and I need to get there by 8. So I make the executive decision that if shit hadn't happened in the 25 MINUTES she had been sitting on the toilet, then it wasn't going to happen and I needed to make a mental note to add more fiber in her diet. In what resulted in me freaking out and her crying because I was freaking out and she was upset that her poop time was over, it made for a stressful morning out the door. It didn't help that she didn't want to contribute in any way by putting on her shoes (she knows how), putting on her jacket (knows how), or putting on her backpack (again, knows how). I wanted to cry, scream, punch the wall, take a shot of whisky, crawl back in bed myself, but no, I had to get us both to school, and I was praying it wasn't going to be super late as to warrant a "Can I talk to you?" conversation from my boss.
We managed to get to school about 15 minutes late, but it was fine. But my question is this: How the hell do I deal with her need to take 30 minute shits like her father when we need to get the eff out the door in the morning??
2. WTF Today Show
I like to watch the Today Show as I'm getting ready in the morning. I'm seriously thinking of switching to Good Morning America and here's why:
As I'm getting dressed this morning and I hear the familiar tones that intro the morning NEWS talk show, I'm listening and half-watching the teaser stories that they are doing to lure you into watching as much as possible, maybe even making yourself late - not like I need any help there - when I hear and see the most asinine, pathetic excuse for a "feature" story. I just about flipped out when I hear Matt mentioning the last teaser as a Ryan Seacrest interview with Justin Bieber about the Biebs' hair. That's right - HIS FUCKING HAIR. Really?!
When the hell did the Today Show become Access Hollywood? Did I miss something somewhere? And on the morning of September 11 this year, during the moment of silence at Ground Zero recognizing when the Towers were hit and when they fell, NBC is interviewing the damn Kardashians! There wasn't a political analyst or writer, or economic expert available for that time slot? I get that it's important to remember what happened that day - believe me, I have my own personal memories having the experience of living 30 minutes right outside the city my whole life - but rather than feeling the need to make a big to-do about it every year, we can acknowledge and recognize it in the same way we do Pearl Harbor Day or Veterans' Day or Memorial Day. We all know why - we don't have to have TV specials about it. And I think it's great that apparently NBC has recognized that concept, but the effing Kardashians? Really? Come on! That's embarrassing. Oh, and don't forget the icing on the cupcake that is the rotation of hosts' "go to" playlists used as bump music bringing the viewers in and out of segments. Step it up NBC, it's bad enough that conservatives discredit your reports because you tend to be more liberal, but stop give the haters ammo. If I want to drive myself crazy in the morning, I'll go back to arguing with my 3 year old why it's time to shit or get off the pot.
1. My child takes forEVER on the toilet.
So, we've got the whole potty training thing down - she wears big girl panties and let's me know when she's got to use the potty. Rocking the diaper at night, but hopefully not for much longer, otherwise she's going to be very embarrassed when she goes off to college if she needs to put Depends on her packing list. Having said that, every morning when I have to
Me: Are you done yet?
CSC: No, I have to poop.
Fuck.
Now this is where she takes after her father. CSC could probably sit all day on the toilet if I let her. No question if I gave her a well charged iPad and full access to "Bo on the Go" and "Wonder Pets". It's to the point where she'll get a red ring around her ass from sitting on the potty for so long. And believe me, I am encouraging her to get up every time, but it's hard because she's still a rookie at the whole using of the potty and I don't want to cause a set back. It's happened before, and it's not pretty. I went and checked on her every couple of minutes this morning to see if poop happened. Sadly, it had not. She kept insisting she had to go, and based on the farting and the overall smell in the bathroom, I have no doubt that she was telling the truth. Since I'm not one to let an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone pass, I brushed her teeth and washed her face and hands while she was sitting on the toilet. Why not, right? It's after this that I decide to check what time it is, and I see that it's 7:33.
SHIT!
It takes me 25 solid minutes to get us to school in the morning, and I need to get there by 8. So I make the executive decision that if shit hadn't happened in the 25 MINUTES she had been sitting on the toilet, then it wasn't going to happen and I needed to make a mental note to add more fiber in her diet. In what resulted in me freaking out and her crying because I was freaking out and she was upset that her poop time was over, it made for a stressful morning out the door. It didn't help that she didn't want to contribute in any way by putting on her shoes (she knows how), putting on her jacket (knows how), or putting on her backpack (again, knows how). I wanted to cry, scream, punch the wall, take a shot of whisky, crawl back in bed myself, but no, I had to get us both to school, and I was praying it wasn't going to be super late as to warrant a "Can I talk to you?" conversation from my boss.
We managed to get to school about 15 minutes late, but it was fine. But my question is this: How the hell do I deal with her need to take 30 minute shits like her father when we need to get the eff out the door in the morning??
2. WTF Today Show
I like to watch the Today Show as I'm getting ready in the morning. I'm seriously thinking of switching to Good Morning America and here's why:
As I'm getting dressed this morning and I hear the familiar tones that intro the morning NEWS talk show, I'm listening and half-watching the teaser stories that they are doing to lure you into watching as much as possible, maybe even making yourself late - not like I need any help there - when I hear and see the most asinine, pathetic excuse for a "feature" story. I just about flipped out when I hear Matt mentioning the last teaser as a Ryan Seacrest interview with Justin Bieber about the Biebs' hair. That's right - HIS FUCKING HAIR. Really?!
 |
| The super important hair interview |
