Tuesday, December 24, 2013

My 2013 Christmas List

In case anyone was looking for a last minute gift idea for me, I have some suggestions:

1. Channing Tatum dancing to "My Pony". All day.

2. Really, anyone off of my "list":














3. All of my excess weight to be gone by simply drinking more wine.

4. Better fashion sense....and actually giving a shit about what I look like rather than simply wearing clothes because it prevents me from being naked....which no one wants.

5. A job I like immensely better than the one I currently have.

6. A massage....by a professional.  Get your mind out of the gutter, people.

7. For my daughter to listen at least the 2nd time I say something rather than the 40th.  I know I'm reaching here....

8. A good night's sleep that is not followed by guilt for not waking up at the crack of dawn to be productive.

9. For my procrastination to go away.....

10. A 2014 in which I am happy and joyful more than I'm not.

See....I don't ask for much. :)

Sunday, December 22, 2013

CSC's 4 yr old check in - better late than never, right?

For her 4th birthday, we made this list that I saw on Pinterest and it was the cutest thing. We did one when CSC turned 4 in April, but haven't posted it until now....

1. What is your favorite color?
Pink and Purple

 2. What is your favorite toy?
"I would say Candy Land"

3. What is your favorite fruit?
Strawberries

4. What is your favorite tv show?
"I would say Bo on the Go"

5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch?
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich

6. What is your favorite outfit?
"My butterfly dress"

7. What is your favorite game?
Candy Land

 8. What is your favorite snack?
"I would say graham crackers"

 9. What is your favorite animal?
Giraffe

10. What is your favorite song?
Old McDonald

11. What is your favorite book?
Going on a Bear Hunt

 12. Who is your best friend?
Ainsley

13. What is your favorite cereal?
Alphabet cereal

 14. What is your favorite thing to do outside?
Chalk

 15. What is your favorite drink?
Apple juice and milk

 16. What is your favorite holiday?
Christmas

 17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night?
Bunny and her tiara

18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?
Cereal

19. What do you want for dinner on your birthday?
Play at Nana's house

20. What do you want to be when you grow up?
"I would say dentist"

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Pet Peeves

I've decided to create this because there is much that has pissed me off recently and I feel the need to vent.  Enjoy.

In no particular order:

1. People who do not RSVP to a party you are throwing even though you request a response.  Seriously, I don't give a shit why you can't come - just let me know not to expect you!  Or, if you are coming, let me know!  I'm planning on making food and various other creature comforts available and I certainly don't do it with the aid of a magic genie.  I think it's passive aggressive to not let a host know your plans on coming or not.

2. People who don't go immediately when the light turns green.  Really?  Are you checking the color?  There are people waiting on your slow ass to go.  It's even worse if the light is a quick one and you've already been waiting. Don't get me started on the ass clowns who are too busy on their damn cell phones to pay attention to what's going on.

3. People who claim to be your friend, but can't seem to find 5 minutes out of their precious lives to call/email/text you back.  I have a busy life too, but I make sure to do the occasional Facebook post, text, whatnot to let people I consider important know I'm thinking of them and wish them well.  If the lack of contact is due to something I've done - tell me what it is so I don't do it!  And especially don't apologize profusely and offer up lame ass reasons why you don't make any sort of effort to keep in touch.  I don't care....just keep in touch, or end the friendship so I can stop considering you important.

4. People who focus too much on what is not important and not enough on what is.  We are in the gift giving season and I am appalled - at best - at how commercialized the holidays have become.  Do we really need to decorate for Christmas at the same time has Halloween????  Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas.  It's one of my favorite holidays, but is it really necessary to bastardize it?  What are we teaching our kids about what is important this time of year?  Oh, and I don't say "Merry Christmas"...I'm a "Happy Holidays" gal.  Before you bombard me with "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" allow me to explain.  There are tons of people on this planet who do not celebrate this holiday for a sundry of reasons.  It is not even close to my place to judge why.  Beyond that, several holidays happen this time of year, so I choose to bunch them all together.  It is MY choice to do so.  It does not make me a bad Christian or forget the "Reason for the Season".  What would make me a bad Christian is judging the people who attack those who don't say "Merry Christmas".  Want to know what's important?  Being nice to people.  Helping those who are struggling.  Not judging a person's circumstance.  Doing the right thing.  Want to know what's not important?  Buying an ass-load of presents for someone because it's "that time of year" or because it makes YOU happy/feel better/etc. Things are not love or memories.

5. People who refuse to believe their child is incapable of doing anything wrong.  Unfortunately, I see this quite often.  What happened to the days when I was growing up and if I got in trouble, my mother would immediately side with the other adult?  If I hear my child has done something, you best believe that I am not automatically siding with her - quite the opposite. The world is filled with enough assholes, so why would you want to add to that population?  Often times after seeing the parents, I understand why the children act the way they do.  Children learn what they live, you fucktards.

6. People, specifically celebrities, who make the standard and expectations impossible to reach.  I recently read an article that highlighted the drastic levels magazines are going to with photoshop to, quite literally, reinvent a new person using an already pretty perfect celebrity as a base to start.  It's disgusting.  I'm not even going to comment on what it's doing to young girls who naturally hate something about their own bodies, but what about grown women who have had all their adolescence to beat themselves up only to have women in their own generation showing what's "possible" if you simply "work hard enough". Fuck you. And don't you dare try to cover it up by talking about being healthy.  There is nothing healthy about being anorexicly thin and the mental abuse it puts women - and some men - through.

7. People who are not celebrities, but rather overachievers and making the rest of us look lazy.  I've recently become addicted/obsessed with this blog in which she frequently makes mention of Over Achieving Moms or OAMs.  These are the women who always have the crafts you only see on Pinterest done perfectly.  They are the ones who always have the beautifully homemade Halloween costumes that rival what you could purchase in the store.  It's great that you have the time to do all of these wonderful things for your children, but be honest with the rest of us....you're secretly drinking your boxed wine while hiding in the closet sometimes, aren't you?

8. People who don't hold the door when either your hands are full and/or right behind them trying to walk through it.  Really?  Living in a high-rise offers lots of opportunities for such behavior to happen.  Stop being so damn rude.  And don't try to act like that half-assed door push can even qualify as a door hold.  The best is when this happens at the door to the hallway that leads to the elevators and I catch up with the douche who let the door slam in my face.  I just use the opportunity I have to stare at him like this:

9. Going off of #8: People who run you over in the metro station because they don't want to miss their train that's coming in 10 more minutes.  Good thing you made it to that section of the platform to wait for the train to arrive.  My husband has actually done the following: stood obnoxiously close to them while they are waiting for the train, given them the "look" as pictured above, followed them on the train to stand obnoxiously close to them while giving them the "look", actually said to the person "Good thing you ran for that train. There's no way you could have made it."

9b. Tourists.

10. People who take things too seriously.  Lighten up!  Why are you so consumed with pointing out "facts" about how someone else's opinion is "wrong"?  These are the same people who take offense to every.little.thing.  Some things are offensive, but not everything.  Let it go.  You waste too much time and energy being so angry towards other people.  Do yourselves a favor and go see someone about the incredibly large stick protruding from your ass.


*Side note: I am planning on a "re-tool" of my blog since there are many things I want to write about that are not necessarily connected to my desire to not be a fat ass lose weight.  I've been inspired by that commercial that asks people what they would do if they didn't need to earn money to do it.  After thinking long and hard, and realizing that drinking wine and "pinning" are not realistic, I would like to focus on writing.  I'm not sure what I will write that I would like to actually be published for the masses to read, but perhaps I'll figure it out.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Put the damn fork down!

Wow!  Has it really been since January that I've posted a blog?!?  What can I say, I'm busy... With teaching and taking care of CSC and having a long-distance marriage and trying to sell a house and trying to find a job and everything else in between, the last thing I had time for was to update my blog.  Quite frankly, there wasn't anything to update.  In my head, I had only slacked off minimally with my paleo lifestyle, but the truth was beginning to stare me in the face as I was trying to button pants that were loose not too long ago.  Not to mention that my face has puffed up again, and those lovely back fat rolls have popped back up....gotta love those.  What the hell!  How did this happen? AGAIN!

Let's review:

I started doing paleo with Dr. Schafer and it worked really well.  It was tough at first, but after a while it became easier to do.  I was losing weight, but even better, I FELT better and looked better.  I honestly don't care what the scale says since I base everything off of how my clothes fit and how I look in the mirror.  Well, all it took was for my visits to run out and Christmas to come and off the wagon I fell again. (Why do I bother trying to get on a wagon when I keep falling off?)

I should have known something was up when people stopped complementing me on how great I looked, how much weight I'd lost, etc.  I also could have put the friggin' donut down, but there's no sense in dwelling in the past.  Oh wait, the past is hanging out in the form of FAT ON MY ASS!

It's funny because you always think that your good friends will tell you to put the damn fork down, right, but here's the deal.  They love you too much to hurt your feelings.  I thought about it by putting myself in my friends' shoes: I figured that they already assumed that I saw for myself what was happening and didn't need someone else reminding me by shoving it in my face.  I know that there's not a person on the planet who I'd say, "Hey there, think maybe you should put that fork down since your ass barely fits on the chair?" or perhaps "Do you honestly think you need that donut/piece of cake/extra slice of pizza/3rd trip to the buffet?" Granted, not many are as blunt as I am, but I'm sure you can think of a variation that is kinder, but still gets the meaning across.

So when did reality hit you, Aimee?

It happened over Easter weekend, actually.  I was at my parents' Delaware Mansion when I decided to step on my mom's scale.  I don't have one in my house and the Wii is in DC with The Husband, so there went any source of weight gain knowledge I had.  Imagine my reaction when I stepped on the scale and saw I was almost the weight I was 2 WEEKS AFTER BIRTHING MY DAUGHTER!  What.The.Fuck.  I was expecting a gain, but not this.  I went to the living room and just sat on the couch staring into space in utter depression.  Of course, my mom came over and asked what was wrong, and the tears start rolling.  I didn't want to waste my youth being "the fat mom who let herself go".  What kind of a role model is that for my daughter?  My well-meaning mom said all the right/wrong things that kept me crying because I already knew them.  "You need to buckle down." "You have to really want it and commit to losing weight." "You've done it before, you can do it again."  It's not that I DON'T want to lose weight, or that I DON'T want to put forth any effort.  It's so damn frustrating when it seems like it takes not time at all to put on the weight and it takes FOREVER to take it off.  It's not very motivating when my effort yields little results.  This is the reason why I occasionally turn to the "lose weight quick" diets to jump start me.  When I see that I drop weight pretty well, it keeps me going to want to maintain it.

Since I'm a Pinterest addict (who isn't really), I try to look for all sorts of pins for my "Thinspiration" board, and I stumbled across one that gave me some great resources for starting over.  I know the paleo thing works, but I have to be honest, it'll work better when TH and I are back under one roof doing it together.  When I have to try to cook something for just me and CSC, it usually boils down to me just feeding her something super simple, but I'm honestly not hungry enough to cook myself dinner.  I'll just have a bowl of cereal or something.  I decided to start using the FREE app "Lose it"
"Lose It" app
to start counting my calories.  It worked for the chick in the blog, and she lost the same amount I'm hoping to lose. (Right now I'm her "before" pic) I've been using it since the day before Easter, and I've lost 5 lbs. so far! I fully accept that it could very much be water weight, but I don't care. The bottom line is it's weight that isn't on my body anymore and there's more to come off. What I like about it is that you can scan the bar code of whatever food you are eating - whether or not it's name brand or store brand - and it'll tell you how many calories it is for the serving since.  Don't get me wrong, I still like WW tracking app, but unless it's a name brand, the scanner doesn't recognize the food.  I keep my WW subscription because they do have great resources, especially for recipes.

That's my update for now.  My next step is to start making exercise a routine, but first I need to make sure this new food tracking stays a routine.  I think it's 21 days before something becomes habit?  I may start adding exercise before then, but it's easy for me to say that considering I'm on my spring break this week.  Stay tuned!

Friday, January 4, 2013

Drunk Mom New Year's Eve 2012

It all started last year - the first year The Husband and I didn't spend New Year's Eve together since we've known each other because he moved to DC. So I did what any normal girl would do...I called the BFF and asked her to come over for what would be an epic night that would forever after be known as Drunk Mom NewYear's Eve ©This year, we did a little something extra besides the drink of the night (Pomosas - pomegranate juice and champagne), drinking game for MTV, and gorging on junk food.  We decided to film the evening AND watch Magic Mike while commentating! Now, we get more hilarious as the evening progresses and becomes full blown Drunk Mom New Year's Eve © - at least we thought we were funny and that's all that matters.  ;)
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