Happy Mother's Day to me!

So I know my main intention with this blog was to primarily write about my weight loss journey, but hell...it's my blog and I can write what I damn well please! Yesterday was my second Mother's Day and my husband did a bang up job. We went to this fabulous restaurant called Flemings. AWESOME food!!! As if that wasn't good enough, he surprised me by upgrading my Blackberry to a Storm 2!!! Very exciting! I had been bitching that my phone was a POS for some time because the touch screen was giving out. Now I don't have to worry. :)

In other news, I watch, religiously I might add, The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I watch because I enjoy seeing places I grew up near. The downfall of this is that I usually get homesick when I watch it. I grew up in a big Italian family and all the housewives remind me of what I left home in order to "find myself". Well, I'm found and now I want to be closer to my family again. It really hit home last year when I had my daughter how important extended family is. I want my child to grow up knowing what it means to be Italian and to keep the traditions that make our family special. At least I'm not going through post-partum like I was last year when I was watching the show. I would cry after every episode....like bawling crying...because I missed my family so much. I am SO not a Southern girl AT ALL!!! I am a Yankee, Jersey girl through and through. NC gave me all that it could - independence, a career in teaching, a paid for education, a wonderful husband, my first home - but now it has nothing more to offer. The taxes are ridiculous, public education sucks, unless I find a relocated Yankee it's hard for me to find people I have things in commmon with, it's far from my family....I could go on and on, but I won't. The point is I am D-O-N-E done with NC! And watching RHONJ reminds me what I am missing at home. People who aren't from the North assume that everyone up there is an asshole or a bitch, but we're not. We are just assertive and we don't take any shit. We aren't passive-aggressive or two faced.

Another piece that's been on my mind is the desire to be a stay-at-home mom. I NEVER thought I'd ever say that. I'm SO not a June Cleaver, but the thought of being able to be with my daughter all day makes me happy. Unfortunately, the harsh reality is the fact that I make more money than my husband and if I were to quit my job, we'd be screwed. I'm not talking about going from filet mignon to spaghetti and peanut butter, I'm talking missing payments on our car, or not being able to afford our electric bill. We are not wealthy by any means - HELLO! I am a teacher and my husband works in radio. We are no millionaires. It just sucks that I don't even have the option of not working. I'm not interested in going in to a huge financial debt, because I'd be worried the whole time thinking that wasn't necessary instead of enjoying the time with my daughter. I'm not a religious freak by any means, just a good Italian Catholic, but I will be praying a lot for God to give me some kind of guidance as to what my next step should be with my family. The bottom line is I'm not happy here and I feel as though something is missing.

Ah...bathing suit season approaches

Oooh goodie goodie! Bathing suit shopping soon will be here. Let me pull out a gun and shoot myself. Even at my thinnest (125lbs size 6) I dreaded shopping for bathing suits. It never fails that no matter how cute the suit, or how flattering it's supposed to be for your body shape, you look terrible in the fitting room.

Last year I rocked the one piece since I'd had my daughter a few months ago and had no business being in anything less than a mu-mu. This year, I'd like to get a tankini, but the trick is finding the right one and being willing to pay for it. You ever notice how either the suit is awesome, but costs the same as a small beach house, or looks terrible, but won't break the bank? Should I go out and splurge this year knowing that next year I'll have to get another suit anyways because this year's will be too big (as my weight loss continues....) or should I be practical?

On the diet front, I have no idea why I'm finding it so hard to "bite and write" in my WW journal. Another bad habit I've gotten into is having coffee for breakfast, skipping lunch, and eating whatever at dinner. This is not my new "anorexia diet" by any means, it's just been happening. To be honest, I have been avoiding getting on the scale as well. I need to just start facing facts and planning out my meals and exercise (outside of training with Tara) better. I really am tired of having my body be less than what I know it can be.