Haven't blogged in a while - sorry. I told you I was non-committal! Speaking of...I did soooo good tracking my WW points until I took my cheerleaders to cheer camp last weekend. I have to, once again, get back on the wagon. I was doing really well though for a while.
So what's currently on my mind....the desire to stay at home and possible rethink teaching. I have been a teacher since 2001 and when I started, I had a real passion, a fire if you will, for it. I would stay late, come in early, and *gasp* bring work home....on the weekend! And I'd do it!!!! Holy shit! I haven't done any of those things in how long....hmmm..... What people who have never taught full time don't realize is that the job really and truly burns you out. You can't go in to work and "lay low" because you don't feel good, or you're hungover, or it's Monday. You have to be "on" 24/7 at your job when you're a teacher. Even when you give "busy work" with worksheet at their desks, you still are policing behavior and answering questions, and making sure they are doing their work. And with the oh so wonderful No Child Left Behind, teachers have to make sure they are teaching to competency tests and answering to all sorts of extra demands that extend beyond the classroom. I'm now understanding why, during the prarie days, there were school marms - women who were old maids with no children - teaching school. It's so they could eat, sleep, and breathe teaching! It's a hard job. Summer break is just about the only thing that keeps teachers in the game.
Since having CSC, I've really had a struggle about what I should be doing now that I'm a mother. Realistically, I don't have the option to stay at home. We rely on both mine and my husband's income to pay our bills. And we don't have over-the-top things. We don't go out to eat all the time, we don't have fancy cars, we don't have anything we don't get our money's worth out of, so it's not a matter of making little sacrifices - it's just not financially possible for me to stay home. Which brings me to what is really on my mind. This time next month, I will be back at school for teacher workdays and the kids start on the 25th. That thought has been giving me some anxiety. I am not looking forward to going back at all. And this is surprising to me since I would have thought last year would have been tougher with being on maternity leave since April and having a brand new baby. I was looking forward to it in a way then. I don't know what it is this time. Could be CSC is more interactive, could be because I (very surprisingly) have an overwhelming desire to become the 21st century Donna Reed, could be that I'm not overly thrilled at what appears to be my class schedule for this year, could be because I'm really feeling burnt out being a teacher. Who knows. But one thing is for sure - I need to figure out what the fuck is going on so I can start to deal with it.
After a much needed chit chat with The Husband last night, he is open to exploring careers that would provide enough income for us to live comfortably in a one-income household. This change is obviously not going to happen overnight - I did sign my contract for the upcoming school year and I'm not one to back out on an agreement - but hopefully by the end of the 2010-2011 school year, I will be able to stay home and take care of my family in that way. I would still "keep my feet wet" and try to find an online teaching position. Those are fast growing and if they are going to offer virtual classes, someone has to teach them, right? That would give me the best of both worlds and give me a chance to see if I want to continue teaching. Ideally, I would love to find something (education related or otherwise) that would allow me to work from home at least 90% of the time. I would have no problem with reporting to an office on occasion, but having my work responsibilities take place anywhere I can access my phone and an internet connection. We shall see.....keep your fingers crossed for me!
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