Showing posts with label Wouldn't it be nice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wouldn't it be nice. Show all posts

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Truth Be Told

Every four years, I get excited about two things: the summer Olympics and the election season.  Most of the time, I hate to admit, I am very "head in the sand" about what is going on in the country and in the world barring whatever I glean from Facebook or Twitter or word of mouth.  It's not some kind of statement I'm trying to make; I just don't like most of what I read because the depressing headlines are always way above the good, positive stories.  Reading all the terrible events that are happening make me feel like we are all going to Hell in a hand basket, but only because the media don't like to showcase all that is right in the world.  So when election and Olympic seasons start to come up, I can't get enough of reading about everything I can or watching whatever I can about all that is going on.  I guess you could say that is when I catch up about what I missed the other years.

Now each year "They" always say that "this is a critical election year" for a variety of reason.  Twelve years ago it was because we were either going to elect our first African-American president or our first female VP.  Four years ago, it was to either keep up what was going on in Washington or "drastically change" the status quo.  This election season is a whole new ballgame.

If you know me, it's not hard for you to gather that I lean toward liberal progressive views.  There are some conservative ideas I can jive with, but I'm most definitely "left of center".  If given the choice between Republican and Democrat, I tend to side with the Dems because they usually have platforms I agree with.  That being said, I have my fair share of Repubs I like: Giuliani, Christie Todd Whitman, Bloomberg (Yes I know he's Independent now, but I liked him then too).  It honestly boils down to if they support policies and ideas I can buy into.  Despite my personal views, I watch both Republican and Democratic debates.  I do tend to get angrier when I watch the Republicans, but neither side knows what they are talking about when it comes to my two causes close to my heart: education and mental health.  Getting into that would be a whole other blog post. I digress...

So I have been watching the debates ever since Jeb Bush was allowed to participate and there were more than just Bernie and Hillz.  When I watched the first Republican debate, I can honestly tell you that was the most entertaining television I had seen in a while.  The term "shit show" only scrapes the surface. I was bummed I forgot my popcorn when I was watching it.  What gets me though about both sides debating is that once a person drops out of the race, suddenly they are all about their rival who they tried so desperately to prove was not a good fit for the job. Again, I digress...

I said earlier that I love this time of year because of all the knowledge I gain about our country, the political system, foreign affairs.  I could go on, but the point is I soak up so much I didn't know. About both sides. And it's fascinating to me.  If I'm not sure of something that was mentioned or alluded, I simply go to the Google Machine and learn about it.  It's amazing.

On a side note: I cannot fully express how emotional I became when it was official that, for the first time, a woman is THE presidential candidate of a major political party.  Growing up, of course we were told that a woman could run for president, but it was coated with an unspoken idea that it was a foreign concept.  Love her, hate her, or have a neutral opinion, Hillary Clinton made history.  I can now confidently look my daughter in the face and say, "See, you can do that one day if you want." There is an actual example I can point to rather than an abstract maybe.  And for those of you who throw up in your mouths a little at the mere hint of HRC, I would have said the same thing if Carly Fiorina had been the candidate for the Repubs, so calm yourselves.
*And I am well aware that this is not the first time a woman has been the candidate of a political party.  I've done my homework thankyouverymuch.

Moving on.

Here's what I don't like about this time of year.  So many people, many of whom I admire and love tremendously, are very open about their views in such a negative and vitriolic way.  I welcome opposing viewpoints because I can learn from them; however, when all someone can say about the candidate they don't like is a string of insults, they have a pretty weak argument.  I want to know what they think about their favorite candidate. Particularly if it's backed up by actual knowledge and fact rather than popular opinion or what NBC or FoxNews puts out there.  I begin to lose respect for people who slam the opposing side, but when asked if they watched ALL the debates or ALL the conventions or ALL the speeches simply reply with "Hell no!" or "Are you kidding?!"  No, I'm not kidding.  How can you make any kind of decision if you don't know as much as you can?  Negativity can be easily said about all candidates. Know why?  Because they are human beings and are prone to screwing up from time to time.  Some screw ups are more extreme than others, but the point is there is not now, nor has there ever been, a perfect person who has run for any political office.  Inevitably, there is going to be a creative rearranging of facts or a quote taken out of context that will be used against candidates by their opponents.  It happens. All. The. Time.  Is this new to anyone?

Oh and before anyone goes and believes anything you see plastered all over Facebook and Twitter, do yourself a favor and fact check - there are people out there whose sole responsibility is to research the facts candidates throw out there about whatever talking points they have for whatever reason.  Especially fact check the person you support if for no other reason than to make sure your argument you have when you support him or her is correct.

I think there is only one group of people who irritate me more than those who are so blind to ideas that are different than theirs. It's the people who say, "Why bother voting because I don't like either of these *insert colorful adjective of choice here*?"  Or suggesting that their vote doesn't count.  Here is where these folks have a tremendous opportunity.  Learn about the candidates. Not just the Red Team or the Blue Team, but ALL the "teams".  Have you checked out Gary Johnson or Jill Stein?  Some might say that voting for one of them will take a vote away from *fill in the blank person you want to see win* so they should stick with choosing "the lesser of two evils".  Are you effing kidding me?  No, a vote for someone is a vote FOR them. Not a vote against someone else. There is a difference.  Furthermore, have these peeps heard of Congress?  The reason why there can be gridlock when it comes to a president getting laws passed or changed is because Congress blocks it because they don't agree.  And vice versa.  So you might be afraid that your person you love won't get to change his or her address to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.?  Learn about the Congress men and women you are also voting for.  There are 469 seats (34 Senate and all 435 House) open for re-election this year.  Do you know who will be on your ballot?  Find it out and take that knowledge with you to the polls in November.  Are you picking up on my theme of learning yet?

I have a special little something for those eligible to vote, yet choose not to for whatever (in my opinion, inexcusable) reason:  I am a firm believer of choice when you have one; it is is your right to choose whether or not to stand in line and vote. However, you then forfeit your right to say one damn thing about the status of our country or the policies that happen in the next four years or that you can't believe so and so was selected for the Supreme Court.  Not one friggin' thing. You can't have it both ways.  At the very least, I sure as hell won't listen to you bitch and moan.

So before I get down off my soapbox, I would like to say that if anyone wants to know who I plan on voting for for president - I have firmly decided who it is and have reasons to back my choice - ask me.  I will happily tell you.  But I invite you to read the blog post I quoted recently and ask that you disagree (or agree) with me like a grown up.  You start to become visceral and I will walk away from you.  You want to debate with me like an informed and intelligent adult, I welcome that.  The bottom line is: 

Sunday, January 4, 2015

2015 > 2014

For me, 2014 started off not so great.  I was in denial, though, since the year started with my birthday month and I kind of look at that as my "New Year," plus it's hard for me to be negative when it's my personal holiday.  As the year went on, it sucked more and more.  Some of the biggest life challenges I have ever had took place in the first half of the year.  Things started turning around after that, and the year ended much better than it started, but I have "2015" thoughts moving forward:

2 things I learned this past year:

1) One of the most important and effective things to gaining and maintaining positivity is to live in the moment and enjoy what is in front of you.  The past is gone and you can only plan so much for the future.  Anyone who knows me is aware of my OCD when it comes to planning things out and knowing my options; that lovely quality will never cease, but instead of ignoring and missing out on the wonderful people, moments, and accomplishments in front of me, I am making the conscious decision to enjoy them when they are right in front of me.

2) Just when I thought I had a hold on what I knew, I was wrong.  I thought I knew what mental illness I had.  I thought I would never find a job in this area that I loved as much as the one I left in NC.  I thought my marriage was always going to be the clichĂ©.  I thought I had lost certain important people in my life.  I thought I wouldn't find people I could think of as good friends like the ones I left behind when I moved.  I thought I was a selfish bitch.  I thought I wouldn't feel happy about my body.  I thought I was always going to be about 20-30% shy of complete happiness.  I was wrong about all of them.

0 in on one thing to improve this upcoming year:

I would like to focus this year on our family budget.  I'm the one who will open up the spreadsheet and calculate the month's bills to see what's happening with our money. There are always months where we feel like ballers and months when we think we may have to select which cardboard box we'll move to.  I'm tired of that shit.  I see all these things out there, from people I personally know, about how they saved X amount or payed down X amount of debt.  I want that to be me.

1 thing I hope to learn:

I hope to continue to learn more about myself as a person.  The older I get, the more I recognize qualities about myself, many of which I like.

5 things that give me hope for the new year:

1) Love
2) Knowledge
3) Friendship
4) Faith
5) Inner Strength

Boo ya, bitches!

Monday, November 10, 2014

Not quite an exact science

So my last post was a coming out of sorts after the suicide of Robin Williams.  Consider this one to be an update, if you will.

So I've been seeing my therapist (not to be confused with my psychiatrist) for almost a year.  I have mixed feelings about him, but finding a therapist is so effing hard that unless he does something really messed up, I'll stick with him.  Anyways, during a visit with him several weeks ago, towards the end of the session, he tells me that he wants me to talk to my psych the next time I see her because he "hasn't completely ruled out the possibility of my diagnosis really being bipolar II."  Da Fuck??!!?  Wouldn't that have been pertinent information to share when I was, oh I don't know, IN THE BEHAVIORAL HEALTH UNIT BACK IN MARCH!!!  I ask him exactly what about me is tripping him out to this conclusion and he proceeds to tell me that he's observed symptoms of hypomania when I've been in his office.  Again, would have been useful to know this earlier, but better late than never.....?  Apparently, the rapid speech I have from time to time cannot be attributed to the fact that I'm from Jersey and everyone talks fast.  There have also been patterns of behavior from my past and present that would help scoot me into that category.  Awesome.  I ask him how exactly to bring this up to my psych and how this would be diagnosed.  He tells me to just say that he thinks I may have bipolar II.  Ok.  What about my diagnosis - how exactly do we confirm the new illness?  I'm told that I'll be put on meds that treat bipolar II and if they work, voilĂ .  WTF!  So I have to be a medical guinea pig??? There's no other, practical way to do this?  Really?!!?  Then he asks if I would like for him to talk to my psychiatrist.  Gee, ya think?!  Shouldn't you have been talking all along since I had to fill out the paperwork that said it was ok for you two to talk about me behind my back and compare notes?

Whatever, so I have my appointment with my psych and tell her what my therapist said about the whole bipolar II stuff.  (I asked her if she had spoken with my therapist and I was told they kept "missing each other.") She doesn't flinch.  She doesn't look surprised. She actually agrees that I may have bipolar II.  Seriously, people?!  Why am I the last to know this?  So I pose the question to her: how do I go about being correctly diagnosed?

"Well, we will put you on a low dosage of lemictal and see what happens."

"Seriously? That's it?"

"Well, it's not an exact science, but we can figure that if the meds work, then you have it."

"Great, well, tell me about lemictal."

"Are you prone to rashes?"

"Um....no....why?"

"Because it is known to give patients a serious rash that needs to be treated immediately at the hospital."

"Yeah, I'm not real big on that.  Any other options?"

"There's trileptol."

"Does it give you a rash?"

"No, but it can make you drowsy, so take it at night."

"Sold."

And that was it.  She gave me a scrip for trileptol and off I went.  Since these meds, or any head meds, take a few weeks to see if they actually work, I had to wait for my follow up appointment.  Over the next several weeks of my taking it, I did notice an improvement in my irritability levels, which is how hypomania can manifest in some people.  I report back to her about this and she starts telling me that she'll up the dose.  So I ask if this means that I have bipolar II.  She said yes.  Ok, then.  All my life that I have been dealing with mental health issues, I always thought it was just depression and anxiety.  After learning more about bipolar II and how it can show up in people and that there is a sliding scale as to how much it impacts the individual, everything started making sense.  Now this doesn't mean I'm a different person, or that I'm somehow suddenly psycho,  but it does explain a little how I can be the life of the party at times, or how some people think I'm a raging bitch.

So off I go to learn as much as I can about bipolar II. Because, honestly, why should the way to diagnose someone with a mental illness involve a drug trial instead of a simple test?

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

My 2013 Christmas List

In case anyone was looking for a last minute gift idea for me, I have some suggestions:

1. Channing Tatum dancing to "My Pony". All day.

2. Really, anyone off of my "list":














3. All of my excess weight to be gone by simply drinking more wine.

4. Better fashion sense....and actually giving a shit about what I look like rather than simply wearing clothes because it prevents me from being naked....which no one wants.

5. A job I like immensely better than the one I currently have.

6. A massage....by a professional.  Get your mind out of the gutter, people.

7. For my daughter to listen at least the 2nd time I say something rather than the 40th.  I know I'm reaching here....

8. A good night's sleep that is not followed by guilt for not waking up at the crack of dawn to be productive.

9. For my procrastination to go away.....

10. A 2014 in which I am happy and joyful more than I'm not.

See....I don't ask for much. :)

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