So this post has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss, but rather chronicles my attendance at the
NKOTBSB concert. I haven't been to a concert in a couple years and the last one was Bon Jovi - awesome concert, btw - so needless to say I was excited. Unfortunately, I never saw New Kids in concert in the late '80s/early '90s because, well, I'm not sure, but I'll blame my mother for not taking me. I'm sure it had to do with the fact that, unlike many parents today, my mother was not about to not only spend money, but also time on something she did not want to do. As a result, this was my first time seeing NKOTB live. This minor hiccup does not mean that I wasn't a fan - au contraire. I had t-shirts, the cassette tapes, bootlegged videos taped on my VCR while watching MTV (you know, back when they played music videos), a giant button, and a HUGE crush on Jordan Knight. As a matter of fact, I recall a back and forth, if you will, with a girlfriend as to who was going to marry Jordan. I guess it goes without saying that fantasy never happened. *sigh*
One of the perks of being married to a man who works in radio is the access to free concert tickets. And God love my husband for putting his name down on the list months ago for NKOTBSB tickets. It was a little touch and go as to if it was actually going to happen since the whole reason stations get tickets is to give them away to listeners, not let employees' wives benefit, but we got the tickets and all was right in the universe. Now The Husband did warn me that since they were free give-away tickets, not to expect them to be good seats...well the Boy Band Gods were smiling down on us because we got lower level!
So the next issue to worry about when going to a concert is "What the f* do I wear?!" See, I don't really have any of my "ho clothes" from my clubbin' days, and even if I did, I'm a mom now. For the love of all things holy, no one - and I mean NO ONE - wants to see a mom body stuffed like a sausage into something that has its main fibers as spandex and sequins. So my choices were limited. My first option was my go-to comfortable v-neck t-shirt, jeans, and flip flops. Then the following conversation happened:
The Husband: You look nice, honey.
Me: I look like a mom going to a concert.
TH: That's what you are.
Me: Fuck
Time to change....I go into the recesses of my closet to find something, anything, that resembles appropriate "going to the bars to get my swerve on" options. I find something, squish my boobs into it, and suddenly feel slightly better. As I'm walking out the door, I ask The Husband if I still look like a "mom going to a concert". He tells me I look like a hot, 30-something, single chick looking to get laid. Perfect. I scoot out the door before I can finish hearing TH say something to the effect of: "But, I'll be here if you want to fulfill that last part when you get home...!"
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| My daughter wanted to come. |
Time to roll out. I go pick up the
BFF - who also had the same "what the eff do I wear to a boy band concert so I don't look like an asshole?!" problem I had. Thank God for friends. On the way, we have the obligatory "what sorts of [insert choice here] do you think we'll see at the concert" banter in the car. After paying to park and scoring a pretty decent spot, we notice so many oddities, there are not enough words in the English language to describe. We immediately realize we have been tagged by the local radio stations as old since the "easy listening" station vehicle is parked front and center as we arrive. Throwing a bone at the concert goers more interested in seeing Backstreet is the top 40 station vehicle. I will pretend they are targeting me.
Then comes the visual "eye candy" in droves. There are so many women wearing NKOTBSB shirts that someone needs to resend the "
don't be that guy at the concert" memo. We saw outfits spanning the homemade puffy paint shirt variety to the "we're headin to da club right after the show" outfit to the "I'm a mom and will wear something comfortable and practical damnit" to the outfits that made you wonder if these girls had friends to let them know they should never leave the house looking like they do. Oh, and let's not forget the bitches who busted out the over-sized New Kids pins they have been saving for 20+ years for just such an occasion.
We got a good glimpse of what we could expect to see should we decide we needed to use the bathroom. Women lined up just to get in the coliseum. WHAT! Really? Is this necessary? At any rate, BFF and I decide to begin our critiques of the crowd acknowledging all the preggos, newly 20-somethings, unfortunate 40-somethings, and the like as we wait. It's at this point BFF says we should have made "MILF" shirts. Damnit! That would have been awesome!
First things first, find the seats. Not only are we on the aisle, but we have a great view of the stage. Thanks TH!
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| Me and the BFF in our awesome seats |
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| Drinks before Boy Bands! |
The second most important thing after you find your seats (and after you've gone to the bathroom - hey, we're wearing spanx damnit and they squeeze the bladder!) is to find the bar. The nice bartender cards me. I want to tongue kiss him. We get our wine - we ARE moms after all - and set up camp at one of the bar tables. This is when the real fun begins: we see acid washed jeans, we see neon, we see Members Only jackets, we see side ponytails. BFF says we should have made scavenger hunt lists of what one would see at an NKOTBSB concert. Damnit! That would have been awesome!
We sit through the opening acts - Midnight Red?? Who the hell are you? Other than jail bait - and Matthew Morrison aka Mr. Schuester from
Glee. He was good....only when he sang covers. When he busted out his original songs, not that they weren't good, but when you're known for what you sing on a show, that's what should be coming out of your mouth.
Finally, the lights go out and the moment every pre-menopausal woman paid good money for - the boys were coming on
At this moment, there wasn't a dry pair of panties in the house.
I hate to admit that I probably should have refreshed the old memory as to the lyrics of the songs, but I sang what I remembered. And pretty much everyone flipped out when NKOTB did "Right Stuff" and actually did the same dance moves from the video. Granted, if you look at the
old videos compared to
what they did at the show, there is definitely not as much swing. But don't worry, ladies. Just when you were starting to question "Oh no! Have they lost it???" Time to lose some clothing.
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| Yum |
The rest of the show was awesome and both boy bands did a great job making every woman in there feel like she was the age she was when she first heard the songs. So much so that on 2 separate occasions, bras were thrown on stage. Granted they were ultra comfy looking and practical white and beige bras, but come on, those ladies were trying. Just imagine how their ta-tas must have felt the rest of the concert unprotected from the "mom dancing" that was happening. The sacrifices some make for the hopes of a post-concert sexcapade that ends in an illegitimate child requiring the famous, boy band, baby daddy to pay up.
So, as with everything, all good things must come to an end and the boys did an encore consisting of "Hangin' Tough" and "Backstreets Back". As I mentioned earlier, it had been a while since I had gone to a concert and I forgot 2 very important things:
1) You are absolutely deaf.
2) Trying to beat the crowds is like trying to fight fat people at Golden Corral.
Once again, the gods are smiling down to provide BFF and me with amazing visuals to fuel the flames of our cattiness. The best was an extremely drunk bride-to-be being led out, barefoot, by her girlfriends. The aim of this game is to make sure you are not near said drunk bride when she decides the room is spinning just a bit too much and hurls her cosmos on the floor.
Heading home, BFF and I do the usual recap of the show: "Was it just me or did Jonathan Knight look like he was woken up just in time to start the show?" "That 9 yr-old BSB pulled up on stage to serenade SO didn't appreciate that. Bitch wasn't even born when they were first popular!" "Did you see the gays across the aisle wearing the Katy Perry shirts?" etc. I swear, we need a reality show. Overall, the concert and evening was a blast and I really hope NKOTBSB continue to ride out their new 15 minutes of fame because
BFF and I will so be there at the next concert dressed in our "MILF" shirts, scavenger hunts in hand, and fully charged camera batteries. Because damn, it was awesome!
